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Slenderville Origins: Jokes on You
Previous Story: Slenderville Origins: That's When the Ninjas Attacked Next Story: Slenderville Origins: Hardline Joker's Hideout Joker: -standing at pool table with several of his goons- Boys our grand target is the Radum Tower and Blast Radum's wealth, but before we can do that, we have to prove ourselves. Joker's Italian goon: How do we do that, boss? We're already on the Slenderville PD's most wanted list. Joker: We start by looting small banks and businesses. We'll conserve most of it, but use some of it to buy weapons. We'll also be attacking Mr. Radum's properties. We'll work our way up to Radum Tower eventually. Joker's Italian goon: Sounds like a solid plan. When do we start? Joker: Funny you should ask that. We start now o_o Come on, chop chop! Time to load the vans. Police Station Reed: Anybody else feeling its odd that we haven't had a single crime report in the past week? Gashon: Yeah...its like its leading up to something really bad happening. Kahar: -pours self cup of water from watercooler- Exactly what I was thinking Gashon. Kane: Everybody listen up! We've got reports of masked dudes attacking Radum Bank. Kahar and Gashon: Knew it. -hurry to police car with Reed- Radum Bank Joker: Alright pal show me the cash o_o Bank teller: I don't think that Mr. Radum would like that. Joker: Would a balloon cheer you up? o_o Bank teller: Sure. Joker: -inflates balloon, secretly lights it on fire, and ties it to bank teller's wrist- Bank teller: Thanks! Joker: No problem kiddo o_o Bank teller: Wait why is my wrist starting to get ho--- -ballon explodes- Joker: Come on we don't have much time to get this money out! -Joker and his goons walk through the hole in the wall, loot the vaults, and leave- 5 minutes later... Gashon: -pulls cop car up to Radum Bank- I knew Blast was rich but I didn't expect him to be so much of a rich snob that he owned his own bank. Kahar: Yeah, Blast has $10 billion. Richest person in all of Slenderville. It's rumored that he's been arrested multiple times, but bribed the cops that arrested him to release him. Gashon: What a snob. -parks car- -all three get out of the car- -a black limo suddenly drives in and Blast gets out of the back- Blast: My bank! What happened?! Police Officer: Looks like a bank robber, found the body of a bank teller inside. These crooks are looking at charges of robbery and murder when we catch them. Blast: Find them soon and make them pay. I had $5 million in that bank! Not to mention I was slowly siphoning out of the bank accounts of citizens... Police Officer: What did you say, sir? Blast: Uh...I said have this tip for your hard work, officer -pulls out a $20 bill and hands it to the cop- Police Officer: Why thank you, Mr. Radum. Gashon: -murmuring to Kahar- Rich snob. He just bribed his way out of years in prison. Kahar: Guess the rumors are true. Blast: I want these crooks caught and brought to m--- -sees Gashon and stops- Oh it's you... Gashon: Piss off Blast. Blast: Hey! Watch your mouth around me! I am the richest person in all of Slenderville and can easily get your boss to fire you. Gashon: Dylan doesn't accept bribes, try all you want. Blast: Want to test that theory? Gashon: Nah I'm fine. Reed: Jesus you guys. We've got a bigger problem here. We need to find who did this and arrest them. Blast: Bring them securely to Radum Tower when you've captured them. I want to have a chat. -gets back in limo and it drives away- Gashon: Better start using my detective skills to track them down and arrest them. Kahar: You aren't really gonna take them to Radum Tower, are you? Gashon: Of course not. Goji's House Joker: -standing outside- Alright lets search around we need a good driver because our driving was terrible o_o -looks back at beat up van with trail of smashed cars behind it- Joker's Italian goon: Some bum that drives good lives here. Heard he got kidnapped for a driving job a few months ago. Joker: Then I guess he's going for a ride again o_o Goji: -watching TV- Joker: -kicks down door- Hi o_o Goji: I don't want any trouble! Joker: We need a driver o_o Goji: Oh god not this again! -gets up and walks with the Joker and his goons to the van- Joker: See how bad at driving we are? We had a bunch of vans but now we only have one beat-up van o_o Goji: Wow, you guys are terrible at driving. Joker: Hey! Watch it! Goji: Sorry. -gets in van and puts it in ignition- Back at the Police Station Kahar: This isn't the end. As long as they're free, they'll continue committing crimes. Gashon: We'll know who they are soon. Right now we've preserved the evidence and had it safely transported to the labs in the basement. The body of the bank teller was sent to Jay. Kahar: Guess I'll go to Jay to see if he found the cause of death. -the PA comes on suddenly- Dispatcher: All units we have reports of armed men outside Goji Uzumaki's home. Gashon: Weeeee. Kahar: Reed, you mind going to the coroner's instead? They need me on this one. Reed: Sure :| Kahar: Thanks. -hurries to car with Gashon- The Coroner's Reed: You got a cause of death yet? Jay: It appears our poor victim died of burning, as if he was caught in an explosion. Reed: That would explain the scorching hole in the wall. Jay: When Gashon dropped off the body, he mentioned something about flaming pieces of balloons. As if somebody played a joke on him. Reed: Could it be the Joker? Jay: The Joker's a myth. A legend. He's not real. Just a story to scare children. Reed: Well you never know that for sure :| Jay: I'll let you find the culprit, detective. I'm only the coroner, I'm here for the cause of death and that's it. Reed: Ok :| Goji's House Again Gashon: Weee. Kahar: Not sure if the waterslide is running. Gashon: It probably is. Kahar: -puts ear up to door- I'm not hearing anything inside. Gashon: Stand back. -kicks down door- Police Officer: Move in! -everybody searches the entire house- Gashon: Nothing. He's gone. Officer: Found a note! Gashon: -reads the note- Hey Boom, in case you come over and see this, some weird men took me. I had to drive their van to Red Lobster... Kahar: We've got a location. Gashon: Good god it's Ren again. He kidnapped Uzu to drive last time...Alright people they're headed to Red Lobster! Lets go! Red Lobster Joker: -outside Red Lobster- We should get some food while we're here too, that smell is making me starve o_o Joker's Italian goon: Alright boss, we got $7 million from Radum Bank, not to mention we also pissed off Mr. Radum. The boys and I bought some good weapons with the money. We should be ready to hit Radum Tower after this. Joker: Oh we'll be ready o_o -cop sirens are suddenly heard as cop cars start pouring around the corner of the street Joker's Italian goon: Who called the popo?! Joker: Get in the van! -van takes off towards Radum Tower- Gashon: They're heading towards Radum Tower! Go! Go! Go! -cop cars speed after the Joker's van- -a shootout chase ensues between the cops and the Joker's goons- Gashon: Kahar you take the wheel! -pulls out pistol and jumps into the back of the car, rolls down back window- Kahar: Ok. -hops in the driver's seat and chases after the van- Joker's goon: Take some of this! -opens up the trunk door and fires off a mounted turret- -a few cop cars are hit and spin out- Kahar: Hold on! -sharply turns car and slams it into the Joker's van- Joker's goon: Say goodbye copper! Kahar: -turns car sideways- Take the shot Gashon! Gashon: -shoots Joker's goon in the chest- Joker's goon: Ahhh!!!! -falls out of van, dies- Kahar: Yeah! Nice one! -turns car forward again and continues pursuing the van- -several of the Joker's goons run from the main part of the car to the trunk carrying AKs- Kahar: Hang on for round 2! -Joker's goons begin opening fire with the AKs, two cop cars spin out- -bullets dent into the bulletproof armor on the front of the cop car- Kahar: -smashes out windshield and hands a frag grenade back to Gashon- Burn 'em! Gashon: Got it! -pulls pin and throws the grenade through the windshield, it lands in the trunk of the Joker's van and explodes- -Joker's goons die- Kahar: Yeah they're toast! Gashon: Kahar hit the brakes fast! -Joker's flaming van spins out and slams into the cop car as they go skidding towards Radum Tower- Kahar: Hold on! -attempting to pull away from Joker's van- -both vehicles reach the parking lot of Radum Tower, then flip over multiple times before landing on their sides- Radum Tower Kahar: -wakes up with ringing noises in his ears and blurred vision, which clear after a minute- Gashon you alright? Gashon: Yeah I'm fine. Kahar: I think we got him. Wonder how many cops survived the shootout. Gashon: -tries to push out the door but it doesn't budge- Kahar: Move back, I think it's jammed. -pulls out pistol and shoots lock- Gashon: Thanks. -pushes door out and crawls out- Kahar: -follows Gashon out- I think I hear sirens. Gashon: Yeah me too. Kahar: -sees several cop cars parked with several cops holding guns surrounding the van- Hang on we have to get over there! Police Officer: Get out of the vehicle and put your hands in the air! Goji: -steps out of the driver's seat- Please don't shoot me! They kidnapped me and made me do it! Gashon: Wee. Police Officer: We understand, Mr. Uzumaki. Please come towards us. Joker: -suddenly appears in the flaming trunk and hops out of it- We can work this out boys. I can bribe you just like Mr. Radum has. Police Officer: Hands in the air. Joker: -puts his hands in the air while slowly walking backwards towards part of the Slenderville Canal- We can work this out. How much you want? 1.5 million? 3 million? Kahar: Stop backing up! Gashon: Couldn't we just shoot him? Kahar: Nah Dylan wants him alive. Joker: -slowly reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a remote, raises it above his head and presses the red button- -the Joker's van suddenly explodes- -all the cops turn around and look at it for a second, when they look back the Joker is in a boat in the canal- Joker: -starts up boat- See ya later coppers! -gets away on the boat- Police Officer: Well that's it then. He's gone. Gashon: Guess I'll have to tell Dylan the whole thing while he looks for his cigar. Kahar: Yep...total waste of your time. Gashon: Lets hit Pizza Hut first. Kahar: Good idea. Lets pick up Kane and Reed first...wait, where's Rygan? Gashon: Oh he took off today...thank god. Kahar: Ah ok. Well then, lets go back to the station and pick up Kane and Reed. At the Police Station Again Reed: Ha! I told Jay the Joker was real and he didn't believe me! Man, I can't wait to tell him this. Kahar: Jay may be smart, but human knowledge has a limit. Not only that but Jay's a bit skeptical about unexplained stuff. Gashon: Whatever. Lets just go to Pizza Hut. Kane: Yeah! I'm starving for pizza man! Gashon: Can't. My cop car got wrecked in the chase today, remember? Kahar: Oh yeah...sorry about that. Gashon: It's not your fault. Anyway, Dylan said it's going to take about a week for a new one to come in. So I guess you're driving me around for the next week. Kahar: Alright I guess I'll take us to Pizza Hut. -the group walks out to Kahar's car- THE END...or is it? Nah I'm jk it is the end. Category:Slenderville Origins